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Weekly Doses of Pop-up Psych

We all make cringey mistakes and deserve to move on, rather than feel confused or regretful after an icky social situation. Each week, I will dissect a murky social, life cycle, or pop culture topic to help you understand, learn, and move on. As a former academic, I am a super-picky consumer of research (and you should be too) as well as the content I create and share, so those new solutions, data and/or additional resources have certainly met my approval.

How you Know When You Are Ready to Become a Parent?

(This is how your body tells you)

operation

Becoming pregnant after a loss felt like getting up on the pool’s high diving board after almost drowning from a huge belly flop. I was very depressed after my miscarriage at 11.5 weeks. My heart was so broken that I was afraid to think about trying for another baby in fear it would happen again. It took a long time to stop randomly bursting into tears, so I needed to heal my heart and take care of myself. Although I was very broken, a shot of bravery jolted through my body; but I was still scared and spiritually walking on eggshells-like every trigger felt like the game of Operation, when the whole body lights up and the buzzer goes off.

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How do you know when you are ready to get pregnant? It’s not a token that comes with adulthood, like the right to vote. There is no magical age to get pregnant.  Impacted by career journeys and advancements in fertility, the average age of motherhood has increased through the years; with Millennials delaying parenthood or deciding against it. Women are typically more fertile in their 20’s, but it may not be the best time in her life for personal and professional stability.

 

Thankfully, our society is in a place that celebrates people who choose to not become parents. Until about 2000, couples, but mostly women were judged for not having children. Unfortunately, there are people who are still becoming parents, not necessarily because they want to raise someone to love unconditionally and help navigate the world, but more as a narcissistic tribute to themselves.

You know you are ready to get pregnant when your inner voice tells you. 

 

Although nothing really prepares a person to become a parent, there is an inner voice that tells women when she is ready to stop using birth control. The answer comes when women get their periods, which usually indicates she is not pregnant.  Her unfiltered initial reaction speaks volumes to how she feels about getting pregnant.

 

You know you are ready to get pregnant when your period arrives.

 

The period has arrived. How do you feel?  Now what? After you process what might be a surprise, it could come down to feeling disappointed versus joyous/relieved.

Disappointment

Not pregnant – Ready!

Pregnant –Not ready

Joy/Relief

Pregnant –Ready!

Not pregnant-Not ready

Whatever you feel is okay.  The feelings of disappointment versus joy has probably fluctuated at different times in our lives; depending on the stage and circumstance. Acknowledge that your body is talking to you about being ready or not ready; especially if the feeling lingers from month to month.

 

You know you are ready to get pregnant when you see infants

 

When you see an infant, what does your inner voice tell you?  It might run the gamut from, “wow, that’s way too much responsibility right now” to “I am ready for the personal compromise of responsibly raising a person”. Whether you want to run away alone or with the baby, says alot about feeling emotionally ready to become a parent.

 

Remember, this is your journey and however you feel is okay. There is lots of support available if you need additional resources or want to talk more with someone. Medical experts, mental health counselors, support groups are there in hospitals and other local community resource centers for people to process how they feel as well as to help learn from other people’s experiences and next steps.  So, how did you or your partner feel with the arrival of the most recent period?

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