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Weekly Doses of Pop-up Psych

We all make cringey mistakes and deserve to move on, rather than feel confused or regretful after an icky social situation. Each week, I will dissect a murky social, life cycle, or pop culture topic to help you understand, learn, and move on. As a former academic, I am a super-picky consumer of research (and you should be too) as well as the content I create and share, so those new solutions, data and/or additional resources have certainly met my approval.

What is a Gray Day? What Would Have Been My 20th Wedding Anniversary is a Fabulous Example

This year marks 20 years since I got married. It’s a day I technically shouldn’t really care about, since 11 was the last one celebrated.  Despite being divorced, it doesn’t feel like a dreaded day-an anniversary of something painful; a day when you would rather crawl under a rock and stay there. For years, it has been just another day and that’s been fine.  So why do I suddenly feel a jolt of excitement and joy when I think about that day, especially nine years after the last one was celebrated?

 

It was one of those weddings where everyone was happy. Like most wedding planning processes, it was stressful, but everything came together.  From my perspective as the bride, it was a day full of magic and joy. My divorced parents walked me down the aisle together, my late grandparents danced, while my grandfather cried happy tears the entire day, several aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends were alive and vibrant, as well as the many beloved friends and family who traveled near and far to be there. Despite the marriage not lasting forever, the day was right in every way.

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What Does a Gray Day Look Like?

 

The last time I checked, external approval was not required to honor something that was important and personal. Following the crowd, cakes or other rituals for events that nobody really cares about does not exist. There are no protocols or rules for Gray Days.

 

Gray Days might require a healing journey.

 

It takes a lot of inner work to get to the point of a Gray Day. Healing doesn’t happen overnight and it can be messy as hell. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

 

Give yourself permission to feel whatever you want on that Gray Day.

 

Your feelings are yours. Just because I’m divorced, doesn’t mean I can’t feel happy and nostalgic about that special day when I was a bride. I might not be celebrating the way I envisioned on my honeymoon, but I am relieved I don’t dread the day.

 

Make that Gray Day your own.

 

What do you need from that day? Like a dreaded day, the day has to be about you. What do you need to do to honor the day? How can you honor yourself?

Ideally, I will go through pictures, but if not, feeling happy is good enough.

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Honor the good stuff from that Gray Day.

 

Knowing what I know now, I would have smiled even bigger knowing I was going to be a twin boy mom. I am not a wife anymore, but I have the eternal label as “Mom”. The wedding was also one of the last big events when some of the elderly guests danced and celebrated together before they went into decline or passed away, which will always be cherished.

When are your Gray Days?

Hi Beautiful Readers and thank you for reading this! I'm Dr. Joanne Broder, Media Psychologist, Author, and Fellow of the American Psychological Association. Please consider me to help you write your memoir, blogs, speeches, e-books, as well as coach you on your dissertation or thesis.  Click here so we can connect!

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